Drive Me Sane
by addicted-roxe
Summary: continuation of Catching Fire. Katniss will do everything to rescue Peeta and he will do everything for Katniss not to rescue him. i suck at summaries. JUST read it. you wont regret it. Chapter 3 UPDATED!
1. Chapter 1

DISLAIMER: characters, settings and anything you recognize from the book is all from the very genius Suzanne Collins

Author's note: enjoy!

Takes place after Catching Fire.

* * *

I stuff my pillow in discomfort. It seems everything in this scruffy old District 13 is as hard as a rock. I look at my scarred hands, a remnant of the games, a mar of what the Capitol did to me, the scars that will always be a remainder of how I failed to keep Peeta alive. I'm now desperately clinging to the idea that he is still breathing, tortured, but breathing. Sucking the life out of him to get more information on where I am. But they can't kill him, he'd be bait. To lure me into their hands then destroy me. I'd let them, just not him.

I don't want to think about that. I spent most of my time living recluse. Confined in this cold, stone walled room, cry about Peeta, about Johannah, Rue's and Thresh's family, my insane prep team and especially Cinna. Unlike my mother and Prim, they're going to be tortured. Because of me. Why can't I just die? The image of Cinna bloodied and beaten at the Capitol or Peeta almost dead in the arena, it is unbearable.

I try to sleep but capture a mental image of him, smiling and enthusiastic. I miss that. My pretend lover of District 12, my fiancé', the father of this made up child, the only person who can keep me sane right now. "He's alive," I convince myself then drift to sleep, in the midst of a dream, clinging to his memory, fulfilling my sanity.

.....

I see the arena, only I am surrounded in a mist of darkness. I turn around, desperately trying to figure away to move, but I lay paralyzed, in my own blood. Then I see Clove, Brutus, Enobaria surrounding me in a circle, Cato leading them.

"Katniss! I'm coming!" I hear a mishmash of voices. I try to stand up but only get caught in the playful stare of Clove, holding Finnick's trident. Slick in blood, she smiles at me wickedly. "Katniss!" I hear that voice again accompanied with a set of noisy footsteps. "I'm here!"

I turn around, but they move closer to a claustrophobic circle. "the girl on fire," I hear Enobaria hiss. I killed all of them, they were dead. They're supposed to be dead. But they stand there, in front of me. The way they were before in the arena.

"Katniss!" I realize the voice was Peeta's. So I call out for him until the voice disappear. "Peeta!" I finally stood up, realize the heavy gushing of tears and blood in my head. I run but I don't move.

"Too late." Cato steps up. Pull out a knife from my hand and trace his neck from the tip of the blade. Blood squirted to my eye, but it wasn't mine, it was Cato's. I see his neck gushing blood, putting the knife at the deepest part of his throat. I turn to the others, mimicking him. All smiling widely at me. I scream. What are they doing? Beheading themselves? I close my eyes from the unbearable gore then notice a sting from my neck. My eyes flutter; I realize that blood from my damp clothes was mine.

Then I see the blade in my hands, I was beheading myself.

...............

"No!" my voice turn to a piercing scream as I erect myself from a mass of bed sheets. My hands go to my neck, slick with sweat. Sweat not blood. I sigh in relief. It's just a dream.

"Katniss," I hear a warm voice behind me. I find my head resting on a shoulder, inhaling deeply as if air is running out.

"Peeta……" I look up; tighten the grasp of his fingers to mine as he pulls me closer. "Peeta?" it took time before everything started sinking in, but by the time I realize it, tears well up in my eyes and I launch to Peeta's arms. He's safe, he's here. I tell myself. Not in President Snow's Captive, not in a deathbed. Just in my scruffy underground room. I tighten my arms as he pulls me closer, his arms wrapped around protectively. I didn't want to let go. For weeks I haven't seen him. I couldn't wait to tell Beetee or Haymitch. Or did they know already?

"You're safe." I loosen his grip as both of our hands interlock. He finds me in tears and he wipes it away with his thumb. I stare at his face, smiling back at me. How I missed that face. His reassurance, his security. But how did he get away? Is Johannah with him? I don't think it matters anymore.

"I'll leave if you cry again." He jokes. We both chime into a soft laugh and I silence it by curling up to him, like all the other nights of my nightmare. "Then if I wont cry, what should I do?" the air turn intense and I pull up my knees, wiping the sweat and tears into his soft muscles.

"Then sleep." He tells me, stroking my hair repeatedly. I protest but he's going to go away if I don't. So I close my eyes, pretend to sleep, still locked in his tight grip. I want to tell him everything, about District 12; about the revolution I'm supposed to be leading and about how useless I felt when I didn't receive any news from him.

I find his lips brushing to my neck, gentle as wind. "I can't sleep anymore." I mumbled and hear him sigh. "I don't feel safe dreaming."

I look up to meet his gaze but he kisses me in the forehead instead and tucks me into a thick swarm of blankets. "As long as I'm here, I won't let them touch you. Just remember that when you dream." I see him smile assuringly. I stare at his words; he'll make me believe in anything anyway. "do that and you'll feel safe."

Yes, my safety. I remember the last time in the arena; he told me he will protect me even if that meant dying. But his death isn't something I can afford. i tighten my fingers to his, afraid to let go. When Peeta realized what I was doing, he sighs again, half frustrated at my stubbornness. "Katniss, Im here, I wont go away." he cups my swelling cheeks and pulls my hips closer, "I'm here."

I find myself drift away in his soft yet so desirable lips. I don't care about breathing, I just linger more, in his intense kiss. Like that one time we were in the Quarter Quell, after he told me he would protect me, the kiss that goes down to your spine and you're suddenly afraid to stop. I feel him hesitate but he still breaks from me, "I'm here." He whispers, his head, resting beneath my shoulder. I close my eyes but then notice the smell of metallic blood. I jump. I see the gushing of uncontrollable blood from his temples. I wrap a bed sheet around his head and scream for help, as loud as my throat could possibly take. But no one comes.

"Peeta!" I shake him but he just smiles at me, mouthing words, "Don't worry," over and over again. I cup his face, aware of the cloth around his skin, damp red. "No! No! No! Don't leave me!" I cry.

I turn around, aware of the heat that surrounds us. I saw that my underground room has turned into an inferno of hell. I see President Snow, a sharp blade in hand along with Clove. I scan to my right and see Gale, looking at me in a blank and nonchalant expression. I scream his name many times, asking him to help Peeta but he just stares at me.

"Katniss, the girl on fire." I hear President Snow say, he widens an unmerciful gaze at me as he hands a burning torch to Clove. I hug Peeta, knowing this would be the end of me. But he is as pale and bloody as a corpse. I cry harder but he reaches his bloody hand out and I take it. "I love you." He says, enthusiasm in his trembling voice.

I see Clove approach us in a playful gaze. Of course she is enjoying this. I killed her, its only fair that she will kill me too. Then she smashes the torch to the cement until a monstrous fire surround us. I cannot burn, whenever I touch the heated flames, nothing happens. I just watch Peeta's corpse slowly blackening to ashes.

* * *

"PEETA!" I scream, unable to breathe properly. Sweat surrounds my face and I am swallowed by my tears. I look around me, no President Snow, no flames, no fire and no Peeta. Just my scruffy stone-walled room in District 13.

"Katniss, it's just a dream." I hear a voice near me. "Peeta?" I thoughtlessly and desperately mumble but then find Gale at the edge of my bed, an arm pulling me to him.

"No, it's me." He turns away and I see his frustrated expression. I obviously hurt the worst of him and worst of all, threw Peeta to his face. I saw the disappointment in his voice but still, he crawls to my bed and draw me closer as I curl to him. "It's only a dream." He tells me again assuringly. I rest my head in his shoulder as his large thumb caresses the remains of my tears.

I lay there with Gale, wide awake, trying not to remember the previous nightmare, but then I failed. The way he comforts me assuringly in my nightmare, the lips I couldn't escape and the way I saw him lying as a bloody corpse and still, he thought of me. His words replay in my mind, "I'm here."

"_As long as I am here, I won't let them touch you."_

I pull Gale closer to me as his grasp tighten. Like it was every night of a nightmare before, I'd always be in someone else's arms. But this is only futile. Because even if he holds me as strong as he did, he still isn't Peeta.

............

PLEASE REVIEW!!! This is my first peetakatniss fic. What do u think? Nostalgic? Perky? Im sorry for the beheading part.


	2. Chapter 2

DISLAIMER: characters and settings belong the Suzzane Collins. The woman who changed my life, almost.

Author's Note: thank you very much for your reviews! This was supposed to be a one shot but people requested I should continue. I might not continue for chapter 3 unless a handful will review and tell me I should. KATNISS MELLARK. 3

Takes place after Catching Fire, Peeta's POV

* * *

I struggle, my whole body leaning against the metallic wall. They inject a long needle in my wrist and I am paralyzed. I don't fight back, my silence aggravate them. Unlike Johanna whom I can hear erupt into piercing screams and terrible curses. This is what Snow wants, what the Capitol wants, to see pain, turn us into mad men, why else would they make us live in torture. They have no use of us. And like what Katniss had said, I will not die as a piece of their games. I will die as myself.

I turn and see two figures drag Johannah next to me. I see her scars, several times as worse than mine. I turn to a bloody cut in her neck, obviously meant to kill her. We weren't allowed to talk but I know that it was because she stays silent. I don't know what is going on but she knew there was a plan, why the force field previously blew up, why Katniss, Finnick and Beetee were rescued. And we are left here to die even if it is only accidental.

"I don't know anything!" Johannah brusquely says, but not believable enough. The two men lift their blade, trying to threaten her but that never works. She is as brave as Katniss, unlike me, I just never say anything. I let them torture me without fighting back. I let myself die. As long as Katniss is safe, nothing else matters to me.

"Girl, we know you know something. We were told, your little victor friends told the Capitol everything that Plutarch said." The blade moves an inch down her face, blood trekking down her scarred skin. I turn to her. Her face is pale as a corpse and shivering harshly from the zero degrees temperature of the room. But I see she is fighting back, still stand and make them think she is stronger. "That damned traitors. It was a mistake of them to fear Snow."

I hear a large burst of the heavy door and a peacekeeper comes in. "Take her to the President. He wants to see her." he pulls her up from her shoulder and gives her to the other two. "Now!" I see them jump in fear and take her out of the room as quickly as they can. He must be commander. I see, he must have taken orders to kill me. Only that I thought Snow would have done it himself.

"Snow has some plans for you, boy." He smirks, I just look down. I'm paralyzed anyway so escaping is only futile. If only I could see her face one more time before I die. It is still impossible, so I create a mental image of her, happy and forgetting about me.

"But since you cannot die, he told me to take the most important thing from you." I look up desperately. What did he mean? Katniss. He meant Katniss. My voice is weak but I struggle to open my mouth. Is she here? Captured and tortured like me. I gasp since I cannot clench my fist. Imagining it is unbearable, what more to see it from my own eyes? "Katniss." I manage to say and he gives me a playful look. He is enjoying this. I know he knows I for one would give my life for her to live. But he is too unmerciful to understand.

"Your girl? No." he laughs as he open the piercing light from the ceiling, looking for a weapon. But what is the torture this time? They had already taken my wooden leg off, planted several scars, and electrified me. What was the use? They know I know nothing. Torture is not necessary. They're not going to kill me either. "Ah. Here is the little darling." I see him settle for a large hammer.

"Torture won't do anything to me." My voice, solid and threatening for the first time but he laughs. I struggle but the poison still paralyzes me. Questions I am unable to answer cross my mind. As long as she is safe, I think over and over again. Recently, this is the only thing that gives me life even I still think death is a better fate. "I'll do more than that."

Then he take out my hand and presses it hard to the cold floor, he laughs again and lifts the hammer. I clench my teeth as the heavy metal smashes into my fingers. I can't scream not a single trace of pain should appear I tell myself but the stinging is unbearable. My hands turn crimson as I hear the cracking of my bones. "Doesn't hurt?" he taunts and slams the weapon in great force until I could feel my bones pulverized. My lips don't move. He wants my cry and I will not give him that.

"Pretending to be the brave boy?" he lifts my hands and play with them. Twisting and bending my fingers out of place. "I'd cut them off but I want you to see the fingers you can never paint with."

Painting. My ability to paint is what Snow wants to take away from me. I look at the horror. My fractured fingers remind me of the brutality. He is right though, he took away an important thing. The one that kept me sane from my nightmares, the one that created the image of her beautiful delicate face, hammered, bloodied and broken.

"Now, give me your left."

* * *

I am back, alone at my empty cold darkness. A new pain stinging to my skin, I can move everything but my fingers. The poison must have run out. I smile. They can't hurt me but physically. My dignity is still alive, my life and my love. She's out there, probably leading a revolution. That is why they loathe her name both with fear and anger. Because she's going to take them down. Turn all of Panem to the Capitol. And they are in desperate need to destroy her.

And then it hits me.

They let me live. Only for the sole reason to lure her into rescuing me. To use me as bait, to capture her, because I am still alive, they can destroy her. I clench my teeth. If I don't die, I will kill her, the revolution will die with her and Panem will never be free from the grip of Snow. And it will be my fault and I will die like a criminal.

But maybe she forgot about me, Gale is with her. She is his now. And for all I know she loves him back. I sense a tinge of hope but I still hate the idea that she doesn't want me and she will let me die. Maybe I could just kill myself now, stop breathing for a few seconds. For hers and Panem's sake. Yes, the greatest idea I have ever thought of.

I will end this now.

……

SERIOUSLY, if you don't review, I wont continue and if I don't continue that means PEETA WILL DIE! Yes, now im blackmailing you. Haha. Now I feel like a mad man. im going to kill peeta if you don't review! Haha. P.S. NON USERS CAN REVIEW!


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: Settings and Characters belong to Suzzanne Collins.

Author's Note: My, the threat worked. But you realize my principle is, no review, no chapter even before. But the feeling of appreciation is nice. You're lucky I'm ditching studying for writing this. And I do it all for you!

Just tell me, am I out of character? Is the authenticity of the characters I fail to bring out? Please. I am desperate.

Peeta's POV

* * *

Kill myself. A desire I long for but I just really couldn't do it. Now without seeing her again. Now I sound selfish. We are all going to die anyway and it is more satisfying than torture but I can't bring myself to do it. But how was I so willing to give my life for her at the games but not now? I already had signed off my life for her. But it feels impossible now.

I realize, I did not want it because my death would mean her life with Gale. But she was never mine. She never wanted me. The day Gale was whipped was heartbreaking; she was ready to give her life for him. Endure starvation just to know he is okay. And what about me? She would never do such things if it wasn't for the Capitol.

Then I hear a large noise, a light passing through the heavy metal door, contrasting the dark room. I see a group of peacemakers and a bony woman in between them. She walks to me, shaking her head, pity in her eyes. "I'm sorry." She says to me, not bothering to meet my gaze. My guess is that she is a medic, blackmailed and threatened. Before I open my mouth to ask, she injects a long needle in my wrists. The world swirls around me, I can't feel anything anymore. I try to see from my blurry vision but then everything fades to black.

* * *

I wake up and dozens of machines surround me. Each of them pipes under my skin and when I try to move, I just feel pain. I crunch my brows to make up my vision and I realize I'm naked except for the white cloth around me and several bandages against my skin. What are they doing to me? I look at my arms and I see no scars, no blood and my fingers are perfectly in place. Wait, my fingers! I can move them, I can use them again!

My heart skips a beat, Katniss must have saved me, and why else would I be in this condition. My eyes lit up in hope, I thought she had forgotten but here I am now, away from the Capitol and the torture. I look around, hoping to see if she is here or anything that will let me recognize that she was. But I only see white walls and the blinding light from the ceiling. I hear the door open and I turn quickly to see who it is. Then my eyes lit in horror.

"Hello, Peeta." He grins widely, his voice, playful and full of power. "Feeling better?" he walks to me, a group of men in guns at his back. I see his friendly grin and deathly eyes contrasting under his pale white hair. I realize this isn't Katniss' hideout but the Capitol itself. But why heal me and not leave me in that dark cold chamber? It seems I am the one they mostly want to torture. I am the framed lover of the girl who will destroy them later on.

"Snow." I mumbled softly in vehement annoyance. But he just laughs. Just like the commander who broke my fingers, enjoying the pain I suffocate from. "What are you doing?" I make my voice sound strong, but really, I am not. I remember my principle, not a sign of pain should escape my lips.

"Since you look like a mess, I decided to clean you up." He meets my eyes then walks closer to me. I spit at him but he ignores me and strokes my hair, like I am a little child. "So, how did it feel to loose something so important to you?" My eyes widen. I understand now. He only tortured me for the sole reason of developing fear. That I will realize his power and he is right to torture me. No matter how I may look strong he knows inside I'm scared. I know he knows he succeeded. And I let him.

"But why give it back to me? Why heal me?" I realize my voice is desperate. My brave façade now shattered by the man in front of me. He gets up, still smiling wickedly. He flashes his bare teeth calmly, unlike me. "Wouldn't want to look bad for the show." Then he disappears to the door, several men still follows him and I am back, not anymore in my dark cold chamber, but this room full of blinding light and the feeling of death. I clench my fist together; the unscarred skin pries in my hand.

……….

I know it's short.

There is supposed to be more but I have no time so I'll save it for later. BUT HONESTLY, I am undergoing writer's block and if no one is to encourage me, I may not continue. 100 percent honest. If I don't get many reviews ill loose the feeling of writing again.

Ps. If I ever continue this story, its going to be in Katniss' Pov.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: the plot and writing is mine, everything else's is Suzanne Collins.

Read This First!!

I am sorry if I am blackmailing you or pushing for reviews. But I am really desperate. I almost stopped writing. But I am thankful that Ceylon and TeamPeetaKatniss (my very favorite reviewers) has inspired me to write more. honestly, please review and help me fight this writer's block.

Katniss' POV

* * *

I listen intently to the group of men beside me. I'm supposed to be leading this revolution. But I slump at the back of the metallic wall and find myself drift away. After the previous dream of Peeta, I seem to have recovered from my isolation. The fear of dreaming again forced me to have sleepless nights. So then I make myself useful and help them. Not that they find me any use but they train me. Guns, hand to hand combat, self defense, a few fancy things I've learned and enjoyed in the previous days. But really, I only let them train me for the sole reason of rescuing Peeta.

Yes, the boy with the bread.

"Katniss," Plutarch turn's to me in a distance. He pats a little metallic chair and makes a gesture for me to sit down. "Are you listening?" he asks, frustrated. Though I can't blame him, I really wasn't but then I can't tell him that, so I lie. "Of course,"

"You're the worst liar," I see Gale, an eyebrow raised. His eyes, half frustrated and half mocking me. Yes, he's the one who can always see through my lies. But I am like an open book, recently, everybody can see through me.

I ignore him and sit down. I see Finnick and Beetee at my front, both eyes directly focused at Plutarch's scale drawing. I remember the time I saw them like this, at the Quarter Quell when they were constructing Beetee's plan to take down Enobaria and Brutus. Except now, with a mixed expression of interest and relief. Unlike me who is fantasizing about the death of the man who destroyed her home and rescuing the boy that she promised to keep alive in the games but is really just dreaming. They want this more than I do.

"So do we aim for the President?" Finnick asks, his tone, monotonous. He strides to his left and stands up. I notice the deep circles around his eyes. For once, I feel ashamed because if you compare mine which is a result by the fear of nightmares and his, the aftermath of stress of taking the Capitol down, there's no competition at all.

"No, you know what the Capitol can do, for all I know; they could turn Snow into a bulletproof mutation." Haymitch says in sarcasm, arms crossed, facing Plutarch at a distance. "They will do everything to protect him."

I cross my legs, something I don't do very much and lean forward, trying to get more focus. After half an hour of listening to Plutarch's battle plan, I just stare at his drawings idly, occasionally nodding and smiling. I realize the drawings are a map of the Capitol, scanning the places I've previously gone to. The Victory Tower, the Square then my eyes lead to a little box marked in an illegible writing. I focus to understand. Then I finally realize,

_Torture Chambers._

That is where Peeta is, where Johanna and Cinna is. I gasp at the thought. But everybody seems to hear me. So I silence it and I am flooded in mixed emotions. _Excitement, terror, determination and fear_. I want to rescue them. I know I was never interested at this; I just wanted to have them back. To know that they are safe, and still breathing. Even if that means my grave.

I see Plutarch mark crosses on almost every single box in the map. "The Capitol citizens may not evacuate in time for the war or not evacuate at all. So on the war itself; we will evacuate them since they are not the peacemakers' priority. Remember, they can't be affected with our war against the government." He crosses them again, "these are the places where we are going to save them." I look at the tiny boxes, they mark the residences, some towers and a few areas I don't recognize.

"I think you missed a spot over there." I point to the Torture Chambers that are still left unmarked. I wait for a reply but I only get is silence. I look up and see them all staring at me, wide-eyed. "What's wrong?"

"Katniss," Haymitch says slowly, in a voice I haven't recognized from before. "We can't risk it." I stare back at him. What did he mean? I gasp slowly. They are going to save the Capitol they loathe so much but they couldn't save them, the ones who sacrificed for rebellion. They deserve to be saved. A mental image of Peeta strikes me, I find my chest tighten.

"It's too dangerous. These are one of the places the peacekeepers guard intimately, the force fields can kill you by a second and no one ever escapes." I shoot deathly glances at Finnick but he doesn't meet my gaze. They all don't. And finally I'm in rage. "I don't understand why you will just leave them to die while you save the rest of the Capitol!" I stand up, I can't contain myself any longer.

"Katniss," Haymitch grabs my arm but I make him let go, "even if we send half of the troops there, I'm sure no one can barely make it alive. And we need as many men as we can get." I clench my fist harder, the desperation mortifies me. And I feel weak, knowing that not me nor anybody can save them. Tears well up in my eyes but I try not to let one fall. My voice trembles, "_then send me_."

"What?" I see Gale stand up. Rage in his voice. He looks at me intently, "Katniss, put some sense." He walks towards me and pulls me harshly but I am in a frantic state to care.

"You said I can't join the war so I'm not one of your men. You won't be in loss." I look at them, all frustrated. I take Gale's fist off mine in protest. At least I'm not crying, I thought but my whole disposition is a mess anyway. So I just stand there, claiming my defense to let me risk my life.

"Didn't we tell you so many times, you _are_ the mockingjay, if you die, the revolution will die with you." Plutarch tells me but I still am not convinced. "and that's what Snow is targeting. To kill you. And his most predictable plan now is to use Peeta as a way to. Because he knows you will." I finally calm down, he is right. It's between Peeta or Panem. I'm going to have to choose. Let one die and the other live. I slump down at my chair, both hands against my face, damp in my tears. I feel Gale's touch behind me but I am to preoccupied with the crying to notice.

"That's why we didn't let any news from him get to you." He whispers in a broken voice. I can barely hear with my choking sounds. Then I finally understand what he said. The reason behind the fact, I did not hear a single word about him, if he was dead or alive was because they kept it from me. They hid the truth.

"You…should have told me." I look down. They try to tell me why, soothe me even. Though I just make it sound like buzzing noise. Voices of scorn. I'm too tired to understand. But then I hear something I knew can't ignore. I hear his voice. Peeta's voice. I shiver to myself, I think I'm hallucinating. I close my eyes again but it never stops. It sounds so real. 'Peeta?" I whisper slowly in surprise, I see Haymitch hear me then turn wide-eyed. "Close the doors!" I hear him order but I am already in my feet, sprinting to the heavy metallic doors between two men. Finnick and Gale catch me and cages me in their arms. "Let go!" I yell, but they twist my arms, like handcuffs. The voice slowly disappears, getting softer and softer. I struggle more, remembering my training sessions of hand to hand combat. I lift my feet and they go to their stomachs.

"Grab her!" Haymitch orders but as soon as soon as I am free, I grab a gun I recognize. "I don't want you to hide things from me anymore. Take me to him!" I release a shot and it hits the mirrors and cracks to forsaken pieces of plastic and glass. I try to hit another one but Gale grabs me and takes the gun off my hands. His muscular hand gripped tight at my waist. "Calm down."

"No, let her." Plutarch says, his voice, soft. I hear Gale sigh behind me and release his grip. "Catnip," he looks at me but I direct my eyes toward the doors. When it opens, I hear the voice again. I dash towards a large room, dozens of screens face me. I direct myself in one screen and I see Peeta. Up in the Capitol stage where we used to be interviewed and a cheering crowd behind. Safe, flawless, unscarred. Then I see ripples at his front. The whole stage is in a force field. Snow is at his back, grinning widely at the audience.

What are they doing?

* * *

He he, I hung up in a cliffhanger. This is what Snow is saying, this is the show. But then what will happen?

I am so very lucky I had strong inspiration because honestly, I really am feeling hesitant to write. So please. Review. I might stop if people don't review. I need support too.


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